Sadness... is okay sometimes

I think I am okay allowing myself to feel sad sometimes. I guess it reminds me of my humanity and that deep down I feel more than I can say or put words too. Today it is more than sadness it is grieving too. It is acknowledging change and coming to terms with it. It is the internal struggle that wants to scurry around and put things back to the way they used to be before things started changing.

As of today, I think we have laid off 11 people from our Oregon operations. It is like death in a way; as long as it does not visit my back yard it is all okay. I am sure those I barely knew who are scrambling around in despair wondering how they will find gameful work in hard times are experiencing sadness too. It is not until someone close to you, your friends, get the visit from the ominous pink slip. We are sorry, long term employee, but like every other Oregon company, we are not experiencing growth like we had in recent years back and we will no longer be able to keep you employed here.

Although the pink slip has not fallen on my desk asking me to pack my few things into a box, I grieve for those who have lost. A lost job just a few years before retirement with no spouse to pick up the pieces. Sitting alone in their homes as night closes the day... wondering how long will what I have be taken from me; is it even possible to regain employment even if only for a few years before they can draw monthly social security checks. The dreadful fear that the life they lived, whether good or not, will change and be lived the same way it had. The questions fill their minds of "why" "why is this happening to me?" "what will I do" "how will this turn out" "what if I run out of money". I am scared for them.

I would not make a good manager. I love people more than I love money. I could never make the required hard decision. My head wants to feel anger. Why weren't younger people let go so my older friends could coast out until retirement. Is that fair and equitable for the company as a whole? I can not answer that question. I will not answer that question. To give an answer, I fear, might require that I begin to think more about company and less about people.

Oh Rob Smucker if you could hear me now. We are more alike than you know.