Do I really get it???

I am sitting here on the plane headed for Cancun. Yes I am surprised. Doesn’t seem possible. I am plugged into my Mp3 player drowning out the white noise of the plane and other people moving around. I am trying to find peace in the discomfort of the plane seats that feel much like a wooden plank. Being thin I have less padding in the back side and sitting endlessly only irritates me more.

I was reading an article in Good Housekeeping yesterday – it was the only thing in the bathroom to read. Jennifer Aniston was being interviewed by GH. She is into all things healthy. I thought to myself “what can Jennifer tell me to help improve my life?” Part of Jennifer’s fitness routine is that she does Hatha Yoga. Cutting to the chase… the beauty of yoga she says is getting into a contorted, often painful position then holding it through the pain…. and learning to find inner peace in the midst of it. She goes on to say how yoga has helped her in her everyday life… learning to find peace and contentment in the difficulty of life.

Some days I get so discouraged. I have been battling so long with unhealthy feelings toward my son that it has begun to rob me of life’s pleasure that I have worked so hard to develop. Why am I doing that; that is the old Bob. I have worked so hard in the last 6 months not to retreat backwards. Why…. Why am I letting that happen? Am I still fighting the need to be right? Am I going to let my prodigal son drive me absolutely nuts until he returns? What if he decides to stay a prodigal for several years… am I going to let that drive me ever-loving mad? NO I must go back to the drawing board and find peace in the pain. I am not the only parent who has driven their child to rebellion to have to wait years for them to “see the light” pull their head and come to their senses.

I keep telling everyone else to live life and not take other people’s junk personal and I have fallen back into that trap. I have fallen back into the daily mundane idle traffic of the mind. I have to ask myself “do I really get it?” I have to get it… the alternative is just not acceptable. I can’t go back; I can’t be like the Israelites that wanted to go back to Egypt because the trek to the Promised Land was just too much trouble. Anything in life worth having comes with a price. It is up to me to rise up out of the mind traffic and live life… the happy peace-filled life I have dreamed my whole life of having. I was getting it. I have to get back up on the wagon and live… live my own life.

I believe that God is allowing me to have my own prodigal so I can truly understand the “father heart of God”. This is how HE feels when his creation continually turns their backs on Him and goes their own way.

God you know I am weak… You know and I know that in my own strength it is impossible for me to create peace and long term happiness without your help. So today, right now, I am recommitting myself to your plan the path you have set me on to walk. I choose your way… it is the only way. I know that any time I can come and cry out for help on this journey and you will be there for me…. Thank you.