A sign of weakness...

Another Pampered Chef vacation has officially come to an end. A week of fun in the sun and for us too much sun. I have officially burnt new areas of my body I never knew I could burn… my eyebrows and my eyelids. No silly I kept my clothes on. The sun was extremely warm at times but refreshing. I am not sure if it was the sun that was refreshing or all the Vodka/Sprite with limes I had.

Regardless of all the alcohol consumption during the last 7 days, I really did have a good time. I hung out with old friends, Katherine Rannow; spent more time with Becky and Chuck Green; and made new acquaintances Amanda, Kats friend; and the other Greens, Joanna and Michael. In the past I have not wanted to spend the Pampered Chef vacation with other Pampered Chef vacation earners. I tolerated the social aspect; well actually I hated it and muddled through. This time, when I saw Chuck and Becky in the Cancun Airport, I grumbled but immediately made myself stop grumbling. I knew we would inevitably end up spending time with them and I knew I needed to adjust my attitude in order to not spoil the vacation. Sometimes tough decisions do yield positive results.

Chuck is a talker; he loves to hear himself talk. I used to try to avoid Chuck because he made me nervous. No he usually invaded my HUGE bubble and I would fall into anxiety mode. I did not realize that is what it was but I get "it" now and know that I have the tools necessary to manage through the anxious feelings. Chuck is usually so full of crap that I want to flee, but this time I didn’t take any of his personifications personally. That is his deal and he gets strokes from embellishing a story. Yes I do that too, I just hope it does not look like Chuck’s stories. In all honesty Chuck is a sincere gifted story teller and when you look at him through those eyes it is much easier to enjoy him.

Joanna and Michael Green were new friends established on this trip. Joanna, Michael and I are now Facebook friends so we will see how that turns out. I enjoyed them and they made me laugh a lot. The humor was out there on the edge but still brought a smile to my face and sometimes I laughed myself silly until I cried. Michael called Joanna a “dumb ass” and she didn’t mind. She said that is how they communicate to each other all the time. Whoa!! Now that is outside my scope of reality.

This trip challenged my faith. I did not seem to make time for the things that mean the most to me. I did not pray or read my bible once. Not that that makes me a bad person, I think the absence of those habits makes it easier to become weak in the midst of people who don’t walk the walk I am trying to walk. Then of course I begin to compromise and then I wrestle with the whys and the how comes. Yes, I must admit that at times I drank beyond my normal limits and then I question why I relax my convictions to allow for that kind of behavior. It was easy, on this occasion, because this was an all inclusive vacation, ie all lodging, meals, booze yada yada was covered in the vacation. I know that based on that alone, in a normal situation, I would not have drunk as much as I did. Now is that my vindication… I just happened to be in an environment conducive for relaxing convictions??? No… I made a choice because it was easy.

Will I make a similar decision??? I am sure I will… how sad. Without giving myself license to give into “my humanity”, I accept the responsibility of the potential to cave to humanity and its flawed sense of judgment. I believe that the lesson learned is to rise up and take stock of my decisions, good ones and not so good ones, and to be accountable. How could I have made a better decision that honored who I am and what I believe? Running from my humanity is not the answer, but being prepared for being with others who live their lives with different convictions is a mature solution. I know that I am to be salt and light, sometimes I will be neither but other times I will be both. I know where my source of strength comes from and I know I can rely on HIM to give strength; strength of will and strength of character. It always must return to HIM in the end.