I have never blogged... but I have journaled... alot. I never reread a journal because when I journaled it was to release the crap from the inner most part of my being. To be honest to read a journal from say a year ago or two years ago I might be frightened by the nasty things I may have said. But in the end it is all good.
I asked myself why I need a blog. I really can't answer that fully other than the fact that it seems like a cool thing to do and I get to ramble about myself. More importantly I get to expose myself; where I have been, where I am and where I want to go in my life. I believe that a persons "story" is their testimony... an account of our lives good, bad, ugly etc. Somebody somewhere in this small world will read/hear my "story" and will be able to relate to my experiences and hopefully be helped by what they hear/read.
I feel like I am on a quest without a map. It is a total faith walk but I am not sure what I am believing for. I wake up in the morning and do the same routine, go to same job, and do the same thing month in and month out. Days turn into weeks, weeks months, and months years. Time has passed and I know that what I am doing is going to get me to my path; it just seems like I am spinning my wheels. What happens if I really get old and I am still in the same place of wonder. What if? Will I be tempted to think that my life was a waste?
My biggest fear lately was what do I do with the gifts and talents I have been given? What if I never figure it out and have to give an account for my time wasted and returning the gift unused? Maybe I am thinking this through too long and allowing myself to be self absorbed. No one wants to listen to a self absorbed person. I know that fear is my worst enemy... fear will neutralize our dreams, our desires, our longings. Once we are engulfed in fear we generally are unaware and stay trapped in its clutches. I know there are those who look fear in the face and laugh and never get sucked in. Perfect love casts our fear... O I know that in my heart but obviously I struggle with that in my head. You would think that when we are aware of that fear we would just simply rise above it and conquer. Who knows........................
I feel like I am on a quest without a map. It is a total faith walk but I am not sure what I am believing for. I wake up in the morning and do the same routine, go to same job, and do the same thing month in and month out. Days turn into weeks, weeks months, and months years. Time has passed and I know that what I am doing is going to get me to my path; it just seems like I am spinning my wheels. What happens if I really get old and I am still in the same place of wonder. What if? Will I be tempted to think that my life was a waste?
My biggest fear lately was what do I do with the gifts and talents I have been given? What if I never figure it out and have to give an account for my time wasted and returning the gift unused? Maybe I am thinking this through too long and allowing myself to be self absorbed. No one wants to listen to a self absorbed person. I know that fear is my worst enemy... fear will neutralize our dreams, our desires, our longings. Once we are engulfed in fear we generally are unaware and stay trapped in its clutches. I know there are those who look fear in the face and laugh and never get sucked in. Perfect love casts our fear... O I know that in my heart but obviously I struggle with that in my head. You would think that when we are aware of that fear we would just simply rise above it and conquer. Who knows........................
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